A Unity Candle is a candle used in a wedding ceremony to symbolise two people joining together in marriage. When I married several decades ago, I obtained permission from the minister who married my husband and I, to have a Unity Candle ceremony. (This was in the days before Celebrant lead weddings, and some churches are quite sticky about including ritual into marriage services).
To give more background: The lighting of a “Unity Candle” in a wedding ceremony is a relatively new custom. There does not seem to be any biblical reference to it in the Christian tradition, or in any apostolic writings. The custom first became popular in the second half of the 20th century in American Protestant weddings. The origins for this are unclear, but a 1981 episode of General Hospital may have helped to make the practice more popular!
How does a Unity Candle ceremony work in practice and what does it symbolise?
The Unity Candle symbolises the coming together of two individuals, their journeys and their families and forming one new life together. The flame may be said to represent the passion each individual has for their spouse. For Christians, it may be compared to the Holy Spirit and Jesus.
Additional tapers can be used by the parents to light the tapers that represent their adult children being married. There are however other options too. The Celebrant could initially light the two individual tapers (representing the couples separate lives). Each member of the marrying couple use these tapers to light a larger pillar candle in the centre. This is what happened when I married, the minister lit the two individual tapers which we then used to light a larger marriage candle, in our religious church wedding**.
When the practice is intended to symbolise the joining of the bride and groom, the tapers may be blown out, to indicate that the two lives have been permanently merged, or, they may remain lit beside the central candle, symbolising that the now married partners have not lost their individuality. These are things you can decide on as a couple to personalise it to yourselves.
When I was undertaking research on Unity Candles, I discovered that in the pagan Unity Candle ceremony, the lighting of the Unity Candle represents a pledge by the couple for truth and purity in their every breath; the constant friendship of their hearts, the passion and fire of their spirits and the deepest love their souls have to give. It is “the pledge of all that is within you”.
A Unity Candle symbolic ritual, is a ritual that can transcend across any type of ceremony whether there are religious elements or not. For that reason, it is a wonderful addition to a celebrant lead wedding. A note of caution however: If you are holding an outside wedding celebration, if it is even a bit windy, the flame from a Unity Candle had potential to be blown out, which if you are of a superstitious nature may create feelings of not boding well. For an outside ceremony, an Oathing Stone or Sand Ceremony would withstand wind and so on.
How could you include children in the Unity Candle ceremony?
Personally, I would not be comfortable having young children involved in this ceremony at all due to the fact that there are flames involved, possibly big dresses etc which could catch fire! However, if the children were responsible teenagers, or adult children I would feel more comfortable about it.
To include children in a Unity Candle ceremony:
- Consider age appropriateness and adapt the ceremony in accordance with the children’s ages. Younger children will need to be assisted by the couple, whilst older children can light their own candles.
- In weddings where the couple have children from previous relationships, after the couple have lit their marriage Unity Candle, the couple invite the children to come forward. Each child lights their taper (Once all lit, the children and their newly married parents light a smaller, but still fairly big, family candle. This symbolises the creation of a new family unit.
- Each child could be given different colour tapers, the colours symbolising something the children are hoping for in their new family unit.
- Use special or unique candle holders for the children’s candles to make them feel special.
- Words can be said to the children explaining the significance of the candles representing their inclusion in the family unit.
With children, I would suggest to the couple that pre-practice of lighting their candles, is absolutely essential. If it is felt by the couple that their children are not suitable for this ceremony, there are many other ways children can be included in the ceremony.
